I haven't blogged in awhile... at least 4 years. I think somewhere along the way, I felt like I lost my voice. I'm known for saying that I'm terrible at writing - I'm more of a visual communicator. But then again, for about 10 months I had stopped painting too. I know so many incredible artists who use the tough things in their lives as a catalyst to create. And the happy things as well! I am not one of those highly driven, need to create all the time, feed off of my strongest emotions, type of artists. I struggle sometimes to find the inspiration I need, or the motivation to even set a canvas on my easel and make that first mark.
So why did I stop painting for the better part of a year? Let me think about my life for a moment... Last March (2019) I took a girls' trip to Europe and had the time of my life. I came back really anxious to create new work, and it helped that I had an upcoming 2 month solo show at The Object Gallery. It was really cool, and I used a lot of the street art I saw in Brussels as my color palette. I was also able to do some introspection on myself that was rare, but exactly what I needed for my work. Here's a view of the beautiful gallery I was in.
So that was great, and I was really proud of the work I was showing. But life was getting a little dicey. I didn't even make it to my second opening night last May, because of a horrible fight with the guy I was dating. At that point, it had been 2 and a half years together, but I was starting to realize just how little our goals really aligned. I was also in the process of buying my first home, by myself. Though I did think I'd have some support from said boyfriend, It was a measly month after I bought the house that we broke up.
2019, I traveled to Europe, made a bunch of new work, bought a house, shattered a long-term relationship and lost my best friend in the process (but don't get me wrong, it was absolutely the right decision) ... then what? Then I went to China. I was working for a company called VIP KID, teaching Chinese children how to speak English. I really loved it at the time, but ended up terminating that job this past Spring, totally a different story than the one I think I'm trying to tell. And at this point I'm not sure this is even something worth writing about, but I'm giving it a shot! Part of being an artist is being vulnerable and sharing your process, so here I am. China was a great experience but I got back and was working full-time, and sick almost every other week it felt like. You'd think working at a preschool I would build a rock solid immune system, but that is not the case for me.
Then we have 2020 and I think you all know why this year has been a challenge. I started off the year super positive. I had this goal of what I was going to have in my savings by December and all of the galleries and shows I was going to have work in. Granted, I did clear out my studio and got 90% of my paintings into galleries, coffee shops, and offices around town. But everything kind of fell apart otherwise. Right before the virus became this huge catastrophe, I had all these mishaps with the vintage house I'd bought. My love life was this tangled thing. I was trying to figure out how to be mentally okay while being "quarantined" alone. Physically too, honestly, cause the damn toilet paper and scarce food situation. I did turn to art but I was feeling unable to create abstract work. I finally took the time to set up my studio, and get it to a place where I enjoyed spending time in there. And just having that space has been really awesome. I made a lot of youtube art lesson tutorials for my students, and practiced painting more realistically. But when it came to painting in my favorite style, I felt paralyzed.
All this to say, I just couldn't paint for awhile. And I hadn't been writing for years. But I think we're making it through, guys. I picked up a paintbrush, and now I'm attempting to blog again. I can't even really say why I was able to finally put paint to the canvas... maybe its because of the extreme anxiety that's resurfaced this year (thanks 2020), and maybe partly due to the loneliness I often live in. But I'm finally feeling creatively energized, and ready to start sharing this passion more fully.